When Being Yourself Feels Scary.
Singing engages us with raw, exposed, vulnerable emotional expression - and that can be really scary.
To sing - with one foot firmly planted in our truth and the other firmly in our willingness to share it - can leave us feeling simultaneously rooted and exposed. Maybe it’s something like being a tree trying to grow on a rocky outcropping. You finally reach out and extend that delicate new growth over the waters edge, only to be battered by sea spray and howling wind. You are anchored in the strongest of foundations but are not immune to feeling the sting of the elements.
Being truthful through singing (and just in life, let’s be honest) - being ourselves - is the most meaningful, energizing and beautiful way to experience our voices. But it can also leave us feeling exposed and afraid.
When we open up and liberate our heart through our voice - that vulnerability can bring up fear-based emotions that leave us doubting the wisdom of being ourselves.
The truth is this world can be terribly cruel towards outward displays of raw emotional expression through singing.
Judgement, criticism, diminishment and shame are knee jerk reactions in a culture that insists that there is a right and a wrong way to creatively express yourself.
If your singing checks the boxes of pitch accuracy, popular vocal aesthetic, physical beauty and normative standards across the board, then it may be celebrated.
If one dares to risk vulnerable emotional expression through song whilst not completing this perfectionism checklist, the response is often swift and cutting.
So when we dare to risk showing up as our full selves when we sing, a part of us can start to panic; desperately trying to remind us that it’s not always safe to do so.
And who could blame that part of ourselves? Let’s be honest - it isn’t always safe to do so.
So what can be done? Are we just doomed to feeling the equivalence of being naked in a cold, biting wind every time we show up as our full selves when we sing? Maybe a little bit and maybe not.
Here’s what I’ve learned…
I get scared pretty quickly when I risk being myself when I sing or create in any endeavour. It’s a familiar response to me at this point to feel like I want to spiral down into the earth with shame when I have shown up in a way that leaves me feeling I could be misunderstood or judged.
And here’s the other thing I know about myself. I feel so alive and connected to meaning and a sense of what matters when I really show up authentically. And showing up in this way is the only way I really connect with other people in a way that feels genuinely life giving.
So for me, the ‘naked in the biting cold’ feeling that comes from singing vulnerability is worth it. I know how to hand myself a warm coat through the act of self-compassion, meditation, connection with fellow vulnerability warriors, humour and perspective.
If you’re wondering how to keep doing the vulnerability warrior thing when you feel like hiding, my advice would be treat yourself as you would a dear friend and go and create something, now! Anything. Sing something, draw something, write something, dance something - just for yourself, just for the simple pleasure of pouring emotion into some artistic shape.
Shame has a way of getting quieter when we offer it some care and take one small step forward to keep doing the thing that gives us life.
So, if you know what it feels like to truly be yourself, and to prioritize your authenticity and tenderness when you sing…and maybe that has left you feeling a little raw and tender, you are not alone. You are in great company. And I hope you continue to be you.
Because your willingness to be vulnerable is a gift. It helps us all to keep going. It is a breath of fresh air in a world where posturing and self-guarding is the norm. We are grateful for your willingness to be real. We need you in your fullest expression.
